30
Nov
11

Official Opinions: The Office Party Survival Guide

It’s that time of year again. Cubicle dwellers dread checking their e-mails daily because they know that soon enough they’ll see the “urgent” message regarding their RSVP to the holiday office party. The veterans will immediately seek a way out. The 20 year employee miraculously has no problem calling his wife and saying, ” You know, I’ve been thinking a lot lately, and we should really spend some more time with our family. Wouldn’t it be great if we visited your parents for the week?” It will be a cakewalk compared to dealing with the new kid who’s a bit too open about his personal life after a few glasses of punch.

If your office actually puts on a great party at the end of the year, then this post isn’t for you. However, we’re not all that lucky. For the rookies out there who aren’t able to come up with an escape plan before the party committee corners you, here are a few tips on how to survive the office party and avoid going down in office lore as “the guy that mistook the copy machine for a urinal.”

1. Don’t Be the Double Dipper

There’s going to be a guy that literally won’t leave the snack table all night. Don’t be that guy. Besides the fact that the whole marketing department will hate you for finishing off the pigs-in-a-blanket, you’ll have to come up with small talk tidbits for everyone that walks over to grab some peanuts. One can only talk about their cat and one bedroom apartment for so long before they run out of things to say.

2. Keep the Dancing Classy

If the party committee did their job, there will be some music to dance to. If they really did their job, there will be a legitimate band, like the Stitely Orchestra, to dance to. Just remember to keep your dancing respectable. Gladys in accounting didn’t plan on committing 63 years of her life to the company only to greet the pearly gates after a heart attack from seeing you grind with another co-worker. So don’t do it. Maybe you could be the nice guy who offers a slow dance with Gladys. Of course, that might cause a heart attack as well. She’s fragile.

3. You’re Not In College Anymore

Yes, there’s an open bar. No, this isn’t the university pub you so dearly loved in college. Drink in moderation. Giving the CEO of the company a speech about how much of a jerk the CEO of the company is will never result in anything positive for yourself. It’s ok to have a few, but keep yourself in check.

4. If He/She Is Not Interested, Don’t Push It

Unless you’re Jim Halpert, you probably don’t have a chance with the secretary. This may be a party, but it’s not like you’re at an actual social event. You’ll see the person again on Monday. Hitting on your co-worker the entire night after multiple rejections will only make things awkward for you and especially for her the rest of the time you work together. If he/she says yes, then congrats to you. Otherwise, cut it out.

My hope is that these few pearls of wisdom will help you out on your foray into the office party world. There are many other situations you can run into during these events, but I can’t help you out with everything. One man can only do so much. Until next time, have a most excellent day.

–Taylor, Marketing Intern 2010

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